from Blue October - Hate Me

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

Please lead my way.

Testing my patience?

You have let me walk through the flame not once but twice. And still I'm surviving. Its only because I trust You. I trust You that You'll have something good in store for me.

You know the pain I'm going through. Knowing someone so CLOSE. And then walking past the same person just like another stranger. Hiding myself. To know something about her now poisons my thoughts. But You keep bringing that person in every sphere of my life. You haven't left even my nights. Thought of taking rest for a while but You just brought her back there too. Where do I have to go now? What I have to do now?

I asked You several times before I started the relation. But was it me that was reluctent to listen to You? Have I contempted You?

A physical pain would not be as tormenting as the mental pain. Better give me some physical pain then this emotional pain.

Well this is just another story of a failed relation.

But don't let me compromise this time. It' ll be just as good as dead, if You let me do so.

Change me. Take me out of this place.
The thoughts are slowly poisonning my mind.

Its over or not? Its killing me Dear God.

A dream that will never be true. But show me some light... Please lead my way. Please Help me.